John Carter

I know I'm quite late with this review, but I've been at a bit of a loss as to what to say about this flick... So, here's the thing with John Carter, Disney spent A LOT of money on this flick, like a lot a lot, like $250 million a lot. Aaaand as we're all painfully aware, nowadays if a movie like this doesn't "win the weekend" it has it's distributors scratching their heads. When it only makes $30M domestically, it's apparently considered a flop. So, needless to say, I came into this movie with a fair amount of trepidation. I'd seen the many trailers [Disney also spent a TON on marketing, to no avail it would seem], and I like Taylor Kitsch, I mean the guy's from Kelowna! Gotta support the locals! Also, the director is Andrew Stanton, the man who not only brought me Finding Nemo [my favourite Disney flick!] but Wall-E as well, all the ticks in the pro column were there for me. So, despite the negative reviews I decided to hit up a matinee.
The movie is based on Princess of Mars written by Edgar Rice Burroughs [yes, of Tarzan fame], which apparently has inspired many a fantasy and sci-fi writer throughout the years. And I guess I can understand why, it was pretty ahead of its time. It tells the story of an American Civil War soldier who, after his family is killed, defects from the army...which I understand is not a very good idea. After a series of getting caught and escaping from the army he gets transported to Barsoom [apparently that's what Martians call Mars]. Once there he gets entangled in yet another Civil War. He becomes a pivotal piece for both sides as he has super human powers on Barsoom since he's, well, human. Although, his main power seems to be that he can jump really high, but hey, I'd take it.
****returned and written at a MUCH later date****
Okay, I'm back trying to finish this review, and I think the main problem I'm having is that I was raised by parents who taught me that "if I didn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". Which probably isn't that good a trait in someone who's writing reviews, but oh well. I mean if the movie was truly terrible I would let you know, but the fact of the matter is that John Carter is just one of those middle of the road family action movies. The effects really were wonderful, making the civilization on Barsoom come alive. The acting wasn't terrible, I mean, it certainly won't win any awards. I think the problem with movies with so many visual effects is that they often overshadow the actual actors, which may have been the case here. If you really want to see Taylor Kitsch act his pants off, DO NOT wait for Battleship [*eye roll*] to come out this summer people, watch The Bang Bang Club instead.
I think that's about all I have to say about this. So, to sum up, John Carter is a middle of the road family action flick that will probably do quite well come home distribution time because it IS a good way to escape for 132 minutes, but certainly isn't anything extra-special.